$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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