Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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