i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
