I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
