JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
where are my eyebrows?
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