is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
