Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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