My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
