I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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