I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
