Can i not drive my cunt home
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
