i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
