I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
