Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize