theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
