I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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