she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
