just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
