Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
