i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
