What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
