Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
