Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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