So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
