I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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