her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
