Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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