I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize