She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
