please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
