Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
