we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
