And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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