So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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