Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
