To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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