so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Come see our sink grown plant.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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