He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
