I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
