I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
