Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
