we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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