so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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