Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
