where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her vagine was all disorganized.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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