Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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