i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
