what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
