My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
