The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
