u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
