this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
