All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
