well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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