He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
