I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
