her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
