saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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