I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
