I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
