Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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