I think my fart just growled at me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
