the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
