You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
3pm strippers are depressing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
