guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
