I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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