she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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