I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
