I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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