Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
