He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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