ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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