guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize