If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
