it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
