Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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