I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
