Please, let me fuck your mom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
