I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
