If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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