im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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