are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
