Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
