My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
