Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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