my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
