some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize