She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
