you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
