There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
