Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
