i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
