just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MIDGETS
????
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
