We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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