Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
