If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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