9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
