omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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