she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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