I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
