worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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