Someone shit on the floor
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still dying that you shit outside
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize