there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
