so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize